When teaching children how to share, it is not unusual for adults to encourage taking turns with whatever toy or book they might have their sights set on. This often works very well – until another exciting toy comes along. The next, more challenging step is for kids to learn not to wait anxiously for “my turn.”
It’s called unselfishness, and us “big kids” sometimes need to revisit this quality, too! Focusing on oneself seems pretty normal in a competitive, fast-moving world. But limiting, unhelpful characteristics such as envy, greed, and anxiety often creep in and take over when self-concern takes the lead.
As a very young girl and into my teens, I found it difficult to share my friends with others. I often felt hurt, unstable, and jealous. This very personal sense about friends and relationships was something I held on to with a very tight grip.
But after I began to study Christian Science in my late teens, my thought began to shift dramatically about many things in my life – including friendships. The teachings of Christian Science, which bring out the depth of biblical truths and the profound meaning of the healing words and works of Jesus, helped me (and, decades later, continue to help me) grasp a more profound meaning of unselfishness.
God’s universe – which is the one true universe – is entirely spiritual and abundantly filled with all good in every direction. God, Spirit, is constantly bestowing blessings to each of us, His children, made spiritually in His image and likeness. This spiritual reality is the basis on which we can experience and share affection, joy, and kindness with no fear that these qualities will run out, slip away, or turn on us, because they come from the infinitude of God’s goodness.
So unselfishness is actually completely natural to all of us. We might say that unselfishness comes from God, our divine Father-Mother, Love, who is the same infinite source for everyone. This bountifulness from God as the great Giver was conveyed so perfectly by the biblical psalmist when he wrote, “Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing” (Psalms 145:16). I’ve found that it’s more effortless and definitely more satisfying to share our uniquely expressed spiritual qualities – which make up our true identity – when we realize that they are ceaselessly pouring forth from God, divine Soul.
As I began to learn about the infinite goodness of God, the grip of selfishness that had characterized my relationships began to release – although it certainly didn’t happen overnight. I began to see my friendships becoming less infused with “me first” feelings and neediness – which could never be part of our true nature as God’s children – and more genuinely supportive and expansive. The freedom and joy this brought were palpable to me. And lessons about unselfishness still keep coming, nurturing better relationships with others, even when challenges arise.
Mary Baker Eddy – who so selflessly shared with the world the revelation of life in and of Spirit that came to her open heart as she studied the Bible – wrote this in the Christian Science textbook, “Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures”: “Happiness is spiritual, born of Truth and Love. It is unselfish; therefore it cannot exist alone, but requires all mankind to share it” (p. 57).
Whatever comes from God, such as love and joy, is spiritual and universal. It can’t exist in a vacuum but must be shared, as God expresses His limitless goodness throughout creation. Unselfishness always brings greater happiness. Because God gives, there is enough for all every moment.
We never lose anything by releasing a focus on self for a greater interest in the qualities that God has given to each of us to fearlessly express. When we’re open to doing this, selfishness loses a little more foothold in our experience, and unselfishness grounds us – and the world around us – a little more firmly in an unshakable joy and peace.
